Time for Giving Thanks Has Passed

I was far too preoccupied yesterday with dressing to be thankful. The food group dressing, not the act of putting on clothes. As such, I shall be thankful tonight. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for a lot of nouns (you know, persons, places, things, and ideas), but tonight I choose to focus my finger calories on the nouns I am thankful for, but would also be interested to live without for a short amount of time…

Cell phones. It’s nice to be able to reach anyone anytime. It is not always so nice to be expected to be reached at any time. Plus, rotary phones way more reliable than an iPhone.

Marching bands. No disrespect intended to the band geeks out there. Drumline is one of my top 4 movies of all time. However, if there were no marching bands, there would be far less Rocky Top.

Cars. They’re supposed to fly by now, you know. Plus, mine currently has the check engine soon light on.

Social Media. Ironic, I know. I love a good tweet as much as the next guy, but I have no interest in the airing of your proverbial laundry on your facebook wall. Nor do I have an interest in you flaunting your literal laundry or lack thereof on said facebook.

Toenails. I’m sure they serve a purpose, but why must they grow? And collect sock gunk in their corners?

Electricity. To be blunt, humans are soft, and fire is fun. In immediate retrospect, I may be more thankful for electricity than I thought.

Whales. They’re majestic creatures, truly. However, if there were no whales, there would be no Whale Wars on Animal Planet. On the other hand, Willy would have never been in captivity and that cool Native American guy wouldn’t have blazed the pop culture trail wearing his puka shell necklace. [Ironically, per IMDb, that guy’s name is August Schellenberg.]

Seven seems like a good enough number for this category of thanks. I could go on, but really, seven's plenty.

A quick rundown of things I’m thankful for and thankful that I don’t have to live without (in no particular order): Hot Pockets, family, Glee, church in the hood, TSA agents, blankets, Mom's lasagna, Sean Connery movies, Memorial Gym, you (inasmuch, not leaving you out), adjectives, good drivers, flannel sheets, and “chocolaty goodness”.

To close motivationally, per usual… A portion of tonight’s [Note: I wrote this a couple of days ago and was inhibited from posting] Thanksgiving Wednesday night devo thought made me ponder [I may be going out on a limb when I say the percentage of crossover between the audience reading this and the 47 people at church tonight is relatively low]… “Live life, just as you have it... Smile, even if you have no idea what’s going on.” Tomorrow’s over/under is set at 5,400 calories. [Editor's Note: If you took the under, please make your payment accordingly. I will accept PayPal.]

Crank up the Christmas music.