Holding Hands in Pink Dresses

At this point in the adventure, we’re in Vegas. We catch a cab from the airport to the hotel. If the cab were a crow, it would have traveled 3/4ths of a mile. But the cab was a cab, and it went 26 dollars. The house always wins.

We arrive at the Mandalay Bay. There’s a fancy revolving door with compartments big enough to house guests and luggage. We test the limits of these doors by packing 3 guys and 3 bags into one compartment. Two minutes later, we enter the lobby.

They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. The same holds true for this blog. Mostly because I have convinced myself that my parents and at least half of the eldership at church reads this. Nothing to see here, folks. Keep it moving.

On the real though, I have no idea what the first four word phrase in this sentence means. The trip was fairly uneventful, so allow me to unleash bullet points:

- We walked past Pete Rose. In Vegas. I love irony.
- We witnessed a boxing weigh-in interview in our hotel lobby.
- We saw lions lick some guy’s hand.
- We inhaled a lot of second-hand smoke.
- We walked out of the hotel at 10:00 AM and were instantly pegged by a limo driver who said (accurately), “These guys are going to McDonald’s. Bet on it.”
- We saw two heavy-set men holding hands wearing pink dresses.
- We were offered approximately 45,000 flyers for strip clubs and escorts.
- We left a tenth of an inch shorter due to the bottom of our feet melting as we walked around the pools [NOTE: We only walked around 4 of 7 pools on the hotel property.]
- We saw street performers dressed as Elvis, Michael Jackson, Mario, Luigi, Darth Vader, a Storm Trooper, a couple of those statue guys, the Temptations, and a midget dressed as Chucky.
- We saw some guy from Dancing with the Stars. [NOTE: I had to take one of my friends’ word for that one. The friend shall remain nameless.]
- We ate at an Irish pub stocked full of actual Irish people. I had a shepherd’s pie so as to feel the full Irish experience. [NOTE: I was unaware that the Irish experience lasted long past dinner.]
- We paid $6.49 for a bottle of water. Ok, “we” didn’t, but one of us did, and that was ridiculous enough for me to mention.
- We were offered cocaine. More than once.
- We watched an Oompa-Loompa lose $200 in under 2 minutes.

And we closed out the trip by listening to *NSYNC’s greatest hits album… Ok, “we” didn’t do that either, but I did, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. That was easily the best 50 cents I have spent this year. Thank you, Essex bargain hunting section. The world needs another boy band.

Anyway, that’s most of what I remember about the trip that could possibly be considered worth writing about… Next week, I’ll be heading to church camp to atone for my trip to Vegas… I’ve made it as easy as I can to cyber-stalk me. All you have to do is read. See you next time.