Before Chairs and Desks were Separate

Well, I hope none of you has (early grammar test paired with foreshadowing – boom) tried to contact Dr. Drew or any other VH1 personality due to withdrawals from the blog. Though if you contacted Dr. Dre or any other Dr. Pepper commercial personality because of this blog, that’s fantastic.

Anyway, it may have been brought to my attention by a preacher’s kid that it’s been a while since I graced you with my vocabulary. So, when this thing goes south, blame the PK.

You ever remember random things from middle or high school? As I am fairly self-aware, I suspect I am a hit with the younger generation, so some of you may still be in high school. Now I’m not talking about remembering that time you pegged a good friend in the forehead with an egg, that time you got tossed out of a basketball game for trash-talking a future NBA lottery pick, or that time you dragged a gutter into your geometry class. I’m talking about random educational tidbits that you have no business remembering.

Allow me to take this opportunity to thank my primary and secondary educators. Bless your hearts. It’s thanks to you all I can rattle off 60-some-odd prepositions in under 10 seconds, I use the Pythagorean theorem to try to calculate the hypotenuse of the angle the jerk in the Toyota Tercel used to cut me off, and I find it hilarious to tell elementary school kids there is a country called Djibouti. And the capital of Djibouti? Djibouti.

If you don’t have random knowledge projectiles flying through your mind occasionally, you might want to sit in on a G.E.D., ACT, or U.S. Citizenship test sometime. You’re missing out.

Aside from the author of a semi-world-famous-blog, you know who else has these fortuitous facts pop up? Dwayne Michael Carter... “I got through that sentence like a subject and a predicate.”[Grammar] “I have more jewels than your jeweler – touch and I will bust your medulla.” [Anatomy] “I told you I get paid by the letter like ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY ZZ TOP.” [Wordly Wise]

See kids, when your parents tell you can be whatever you want when you grow up, that’s a lie. You can’t be mermaid. You can’t be a mermaid’s husband (no matter how awesome that would be). And you can’t be the greatest rapper in the world… unless you pay, paid, or will have paid attention in school.

So in the a world that hits you 140 characters at a time, insert a little unexpected information every once in a while to surprise and edify (fine, those don’t really rhyme, but it was as close as I could get while being distracted by Glee’s Umbrella/Singin’ in the Rain) your fellow man. And remember your helping verbs: am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been, has, have, had, do, does, did, shall, will, should, could, would, may, might, must, can.