"Name It Sex and Everyone Will Read It."

So, I’m driving home last night from South Nashville, when 107.5 the River [Note: I have yet to receive any advertisement revenue from local businesses. However, when this blog takes over 4th place on most frequented websites, behind the likes of Google, Facebook and Wikipedia, I will be happy to endorse almost anything.] reveals that bed-checks are over and requests have taken their place.

First off, for those of you who only listen to country because someone convinced you that if you want to claim Nashville as home, you must only listen to country, must drink sweet tea at every meal, and must have some weird obsession with John Deere products… expand your horizons. Continuing, a bed-check is where someone, typically a middle school girl, calls a radio DJ who goes by the name Butter, and name-drops their middle school friends, probably sneaks in a high schooler to be cool, then usually finishes by giving Butter a “bed-check”. You can see how that would be appealing to the average radio listener.

So the sacred bed-check has been forsaken in favor of the good ol’ reliable listener requests. Genius. To put this in perspective for those below the Mason-Dixon line, but outside the reach of the River, bed-checks are like an electric push mower, and taking requests is like a John Deere tractor.

Moving on, as I listened to the requests poor in from Music City, you know what didn’t come up? Well, yes, technically the Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained Melody” isn’t wrong, but what I was looking for “Billionaire.” You know what was requested? “Ice Ice Baby.” To call say Robert Van Winkle bridges generational gaps is selling him short.

After going on… conservative estimate… 40-plus Riverwood Youth Group trips [Note: For the uninformed, I either served as a “youth intern” or was that creepy old guy who never really left the youth group – your call], there are a few songs that are more than pop culture. The short list: Hey Ya, Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Believing, and Ice Ice Baby.

Hey Ya: Arguably the greatest song to ever be released… from the perspective of the person responsible for setting up the Christian school basketball game playlist. Beyond shaking it like a Polaroid picture, it’s as clean as a whistle. Trust me. After all, I am your neighbor.

Bohemian Rhapsody: Not only is it a song of epic proportions by one of the greatest bands of all time, it also has the added benefit of being physically impossible to sing along with. However, that has not stopped millions of people from trying. Bismillah.

Don’t Stop Believing: In a lonely world, you know who has this song in common? Strangers. When you get right down to it, we’re all living just to find emotion, and when you take the Journey through life, why not take it with the cute small town girl or that strapping city boy?

Ice Ice Baby: You know what Americans can’t resist? [I’ve asked a lot of questions here. Turns out, there’s no one to answer but me. Feel free to answer aloud. Especially if you’re reading this on your phone in a public restroom.] Americans can’t resist an underdog. The odds were, are, and will be stacked against Rob. I’m not playing the race card. Whether he’s white, black, or Japanese, he ‘s a dull pair of Wal-Mart hedgeclippers in a world full of Stihl chainsaw rappers. But somehow, he overcame the odds and released a nonsensical, self-absorbed collection of one-liners that blazed a trail. I’m not saying he was the first. “That’s what she said” wasn’t the first witty quip, but it raised the bar.

I love M&Ms, preferably peanut butter, and Marshall Mathers, but there’s only so many times I can listen to Rihanna sing about liking pain. For one hour, top 40 [More like top 5, da dum… chh] radio got it right: Stop telling people what to like and let their ears splash in a warm pool of greatness without ever having to tilt their collective head and shake the moisture out.