Living the Mile High Life

What did you learn this weekend? Ok, I’ll go first. Well, I pretty much learned how to ski – more of that to come in a later post – but, outside of skiing, this was still a very educational weekend…

• I learned a new game… Irish Uno. With the new game came the following lessons: How to sing “Firework” while keeping one’s tongue outside the classic barrier that is one’s lips. Loren learned how to play an entire game without using the first person subjective pronoun. I also learned that everyone I was playing said game with spoke much better British than I.
• I learned one can sleep in a ski lodge and people will go on about life around you, especially children showering you with their slobbery Oreo crumbs.
• I learned that near the prison outside of Denver, there is a sign that reads, “Correctional Facility: Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers.”
• I learned a fireworks show on top of a mountain consists of 3 One Bad Mothers, a Louisiana Yard Dog, and an Ultimate Fantasy.
• I learned if you’re looking to buy weed, all you have to do is move to Denver and pull a muscle when you sneeze.
• I learned real people really do ice-fish. We drove past a frozen lake on Sunday to see 15 iceholes on the lake. Beside the iceholes, there was also an icy racetrack where jeeps were going all "2 Fast 2 Furious."
• I learned to not take my six-and-a-half foot shower head for granted ever again.
• I learned, for some people, adjusting to the higher altitude means you have the stomach of an Olsen twin. Hi, I’m some people. I never thought half a cookie would do me in. Forget Jenny Craig, just live on a mountain. As the mysterious third verse of “The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Sand” goes, when the altitude goes up, the BMI goes down.
• I learned really good and really bad snowboarders both have a keen sense of knowing when they’re up a proverbial creek. As one gentleman was boarding up a ramp he began his profane proclamation. He waited until his head hit the ground to finish.
• I learned not having cable is totally worth not watching Jersey Shore.
• I learned that when one finds oneself “shopping” with friends of the opposite sex, seeing how many times one can ride the escalator in Forever 21 before leaving can leave one feeling very creepy. One gave up after merely two escalator laps.
• I learned there was a “Take the Money and Run” before “Take the Money and Run.”
• I learned one can park a 4-Runner in a Nike Shoebox. Just don’t expect the door not to get stuck.
• I learned girls look very attractive in a ski resort.
• I learned you can’t see wedding rings through ski gloves.
• I learned that the Tulane and New Mexico basketball teams fly Southwest. And, as a result of my seeing these teams and knowing how to use Google, I learned that New Mexico would beat Tulane by 20.
• I learned there is a time and place for bunkbeds. Namely, childhood or prison.
  

Finally, I learned that suckers like you will read anything I put up here. But seriously, thanks for stopping by. I strive to give you all the highlights of my boring life while hand-selecting the grammar rules I want to break each post.