Elf Ears? I Guess I Can See That

Well today was a snow day… and, even though I am a grown, tax-paying citizen, I built snowmen (well, more on that later), threw snowballs at children, went sledding, and basically lived the dream. Since you clicked the link to learn more about me and waste 2-8 minutes depending on your reading level, let me tell you about my day…

The alarm was set for 6:15… Always ahead of the curve, I woke up at 6 and called the number at work to see if our office was open. It was then I heard the sweetest words outside of “There’s a new Die Hard movie coming out” – “The Corporate campus is closed.” At this point, I turned the alarm off and hit the hay hard for a couple of more hours. I like my job a lot, but, today, I’ll take 2 hours sleep over a spreadsheet.

So I rolled out of bed at some point, showered to be presentable for, well, no one, and then checked the phone. I had a lovely text message waiting on me inviting me to a day of snowy adventure with a few church folks… What else would I be doing all day? Well, I started by watching Regis Seth Myers and Kelly, so the day was probably bound to fail anyway.

When I arrived, there was already a snowman assembled, fitted with an Auburn hat and a spy scope. The resident seven year old set out to name the snowman, realized “Aubie” sounded too familiar [In hindsight, he probably feared copyright violations], and stumbled through something his parents decided must have been “Oliver.” Thus, Oliver the Auburn fan snowman was born.

Snowball fights ensued. As I figured I had a natural athletic advantage over a majority of the participants, I decided to give myself a challenge and settled for throwing my snowballs over a small building in the backyard. Relatively unsuccessful, I set out to tick off Oliver.

At this point I had visions of sugar plums and a giant snow duck to go side-by-side with Oliver. It looked really good in my head. 20 minutes and several excuses later I was left with one of the following: A) a goldfish; B) a headless duck; C) a turtle or D) a bust [think museum] of someone famous laying on their back. Those were all actual interpretations. If you’ve ever taken a multiple choice quiz, you know the right answer is, of course, B. Alas, as I type, the duck is still sitting outside the window. He would be staring at me, but he doesn’t have a head… or he retracted it into his shell.

After the failed duck, we set out to sled. Traversing the streets of East Nashville on foot, we set out to find the greatest hills the Riverwood area has to offer. We found lots of concrete. But we stuck with it and eventually found enough ice and snow to keep us flying. In the most movie-worthy moment of my day, I manned the 2 man sled down the hill [Feel the rhythm] with a youth group kid on board behind [Feel the rhyme]. Once we reached a pretty good speed, I may have noticed we were veering a little left [Let’s get on up]. Apparently, the youth grouper realized this as well, and bailed out [It’s bobsled time]. It was within seconds that I ducked under the mailbox and slid into the ditch without the benefit of the sled. As you may be aware, given the post-sled analysis you are reading, I survived. [Cool Runnings]

We returned for an afternoon of Big K, Balderdash, and Blogging… As of 5:00, it’s been a good day, less Abraham Lincoln taking a nap in the backyard and a seven year old whispering to her parents that I have elf ears. In as non-sacrilegious tone as possible… When I was a child, I played in the snow as a child. When I became a man, I continued my childish ways, but stopped crying when I fell off the sled.

I don’t say it enough, but thank you for choosing my blog to waste your time. I know you could be watching Jersey Shore, or reading Harry Potter books, but you chose me instead. I’ll never forget that. Until the Alzheimer’s sets in.