Disciples of Tebow have Jorts. Girls who wish to appear as though they’re wearing pants without actually wearing pants have Jeggings. Consider this post the introduction of the concept of Jet Pants… or Jets. They’re the sweatpants that look like blue jeans.
Sure, those of us who have entered Corporate America know the excitement that comes with the rare opportunity to wear jeans to work. But what if you could appear as though you were wearing jeans, when, in actuality, you were wearing sweatpants?
Honestly, I don’t see that much difference in the comfort of jeans as opposed to the comfort of khakis (what a ridiculous word, when spelled out) or slacks (am I the first person under the age of 60 to use that term?). The one obvious benefit is that you don’t have to use a napkin when you wear jeans.
Take a minute and think outside the inseam: do we really live in a world where you can’t wipe your hands on your pants and feel like you’re legs are surrounded by a cuddly polar bear? Hannah Montana could make this happen – it’d be the best of both worlds. Of course, she’d have to stop taking rides on the reefer rocket first.
In reality, I don’t want Miley as the spokesperson for Jet Pants. I want Mike Vitar. Who’s Mike Vitar, you ask? Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez. Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez. Think about how much faster Benny could have run away from the Beast if he had been wearing Jets instead of jeans. I guarantee Jet Pants would have made enough of a difference in his range of motion that the Beast would have never gotten close enough to nip at Benny’s haunches, and, as a direct result, Benny would have never yelled the first curse word I remember hearing. [I believe that to be a reasonable claim. I would have been 8 when watching this movie. Frankly, I don’t remember much before age 8 anyway.]
Seriously, you’re already picturing the commercial in your head, aren’t you? Well, that doesn’t entitle you to the copyright. This little blog is time-stamped, sucker. My extensive knowledge of Business Law indicates that when I prove it my was my idea first, I win. Anyway, in the commercial concept I have guided you to, you are picturing Benny the Jet Rodriguez outrunning the Beast while Sir Elton John is wailing in the background, “Oh, Bennie she’s really keen. She’s got electric boots and a mohair suit.”
When someone produces Jets (and after I start getting royalty checks), be sure to get a pair for yourself. Then stop pretending to drown… because Wendy Peffercorn will be all over you, Squints.
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